


Sette Frummagem and the Terrific, Wonderful, Very Good Day

by Fool



Category: Unsounded
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 02:16:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13603461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fool/pseuds/Fool
Summary: A definitely true accounting.(Made for the 2018 fanworks contest.)





	Sette Frummagem and the Terrific, Wonderful, Very Good Day

Thanks to my keen lion senses I woke up before anyone else, even the hounds. I ruffled their big hairy coats and set out to do some theivin’. It was still dark outside, which was perfect for theivin’! I knew right away today was going to be a terrific, wonderful, very good day!

On my way to Granny Frummagem’s there were lots of stoopid people walking the streets. I picked all their pockets until my coat was full of clinkity coins and shiny watches. None of the stoopid people even saw me, so quick and stealthy I was! When they got to the docks to pay the sailors and found they got no coins, they wailed and cursed the name of Sette Frummagem, queen o’ theives! I laughed at them and they chased me, but I lured them into a trap with me cunnin’ and whacked them over the head.

At Granny’s I got the most potions, because she knows I’m the best swindler in Sharteshane! I went all over the streets hawkin’ the potions to stoopid sailors. I told ‘em they were cures for scurvy and boils and broken hearts. I even told ‘em we had potions that make ya’ taste nasty so waterwomen won’t eat ya’! They believed every word because I’m the best at lyin’. I shouted the loudest at every corner and sold the most potions. I knew this was gonna be a terrific day!

Next I saw Lucky, who was beggin’ in the city. He didn’t know how to beg on account o’ bein’ too honest! In my queenly benifersense I took pity and taught him how to live in yer best world. I showed him how to look people in the eye all sad and doggeyed until they gave ‘im all their coin. He weren’t a tenth as good a liar as me, but he still made more money than all the other beggars and went home with lots of jukrum for Da’!

Next I went down to th’ docks, an’ the water women all spat and snarled ‘cause they knew the biggest meanest fighter in Sharteshane was there! They tried to fight me but I was stronger than those dumb fishes! I got out me knife and cut ‘em all up until they ran back to th’ water. The kid they was drownin’ got free and he joined me gang on th’ spot because he knew I was the best thief in town. On th’ shore all the nobs swooned and proposed t’ me because I am strong and beautiful, so I picked their pockets and scarpered and they cried. A great outin’ for the Queen o’ Thieves!

I snatched a pie off a window and ate it when I got home. It was meat pie, the best pie! Then I got an idea. I took out one of Granny’s potions I saved and tipped it into Bodkin’s drink. I lay in wait and watched as he drunk the whole thing. His face went all white and he ran off ‘cause the potion was gonna make him crap out his insides all night. I laughed and he knew I’d beaten him!

I gave Da’ the most jukrum out of anyone that day and he said I was the best thief in the whole world and that one day I’d run the Frummagems and make him proud. I knew it were true and went down to the kennels walkin’ like I was queen o’ the world. No one bothered me because they knew I was better than them. In the kennel the dogs all came over and licked my face and I chased them around until we were all tired and went to sleep.

It had been a terrific, wonderful, very good day.


End file.
